End of trip...

these past 6 days have gone by so fast. i miss my panpan already. such a wonderful trip. such a wonderful family. saying goodbye to them made me tear up. haha. ahh....and btw, all i've been hearing is chinese these past 6 days, so hearing all this english at the airport, is blowing my miiiiiind!! hah.

well...here i am. back at the airport about to head home. to be honest, i don't want to go home. of course i miss my own dear family, don't get me wrong. i'm just not quite ready to welcome home as much as i would, say, a few months apart from it rather than one week's time.
on a different note-it's really amazing what sort of stuff you hear at a airport! my goodness. i'm not going to record what is being said exactly, sorry, but there's no need for that. just know there's a huge variety of topics one overhears at an airport.

we went to the farmers market yesterday. here are some pics. :]

darling grandma.

you know how we say "goodbye" just as a general term? it's always messed with me. (that word has)
goodbye is a word to me that means 'never again.' i'm so sorry to be so vague with you, but it's hard for me to explain. there's too much emotion involved in that single word, for me to try and explain. goodbye is a word that makes me wanna cry...i really want to start making it a habbit NOT saying "goodbye" anymore, unless i'm ready to never see that person again. so from on it's: " till next time!" or something of the like, because i plan on writing to you more. :]

and here, dear friends, lies the end of my trip. my plane is boarding. i'm ready.

My trip to north/south carolina....

So far....

the plane ride was exhilerating. it was my first flight. so you know how that goes.....i practically fell in love with everything, to be perfectly vague with you. i love that calming peace you feel looking at the sunset on the clouds. and quite honestly, i felt like i was the giant off of that one awefully boring story: Gullivers travels. because all of the towns and lights looked like lights on a ginormous christmas tree! and i was on top of it all. it was beautiful, though. and flying above it looked as though it was a watercolor painting being painted. God is good, isn't he? to make all this beautiful creation.
hmm.

the shangs have been more than wonderful. they all are such dears. i've missed them so much. pan-pan is such an energetic doll. :] here she is two years old, and can speak chinese almost as much as i can. i'm very jealous. this time with them all was much needed. btw, amy taylor is an angel. :] thank you for introducing me to them.

we went to visit UNC today. beautiful school. i loved it! and just got back from their little chinese church. it was....sooo cool! i understood about 1/4 of everything, cause my chinese is very poor. i still have alot of years left in the study of the chinese language! but, none the less, it was such a beautiful service and potluck!

here are some pics so far...more coming. lots more!!!! :]

starting new

i feel like i wanna try and find something 'deep' to say
but, i definately think i try TOO much to be 'deep' on here. my own fault. i'm putting too much thought into my own feelings, i don't even see why. hah. these are my thoughts, they aren't a novel. who cares.


so, i'm starting my thoughts over.
blank sheet again.
if you know me that much, at all, you'll know that music is something i crave/ have an emmense passion for! songs with hidden meanings...pain in them....classical. i love it all. music is my passion.


besides playing it, piano/classical music is my favorite.
lately, i've been listening to alot of anberlin, and joshua radin. they have some great music. i dare say i'm jealous of their ability to write such beautiful music.
lyrics have a big impact on me. no joke. i don't wanna use my time listening to random crap.
also, both of these artists voices are amazing. another big part.
i could go on about music forever...everywhere there's a different type of music being made. i was kind of thinking the other day about how we all are a different type of music, you know what i mean? hmm. maybe to explain it further, we all are a different note in our own unique key of music. :]
oh, how i wish i had more thoughts to share with you! but, i feel this is all i have for now.
i'm gone

Falllllll pictures. :]

Some people i love....

darling girl. i love my sisters.

faaaaaaalllll! :]

oh goodness. pretty leaves!



lost in the sound.

sometimes when we are stabbed with a knife, oneself begins to shrivle and chive. wanting to potect ourself from further hurt.

vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally damaged.

we bleed white, as opposed to red; waving our 'surrender' flag.
the beautiful thing is: its a matter of God to mend.

we watch the seasons go by....still at the same place inside: bleeding our flag.

ahhh. how sweet patience would be. if only i possessed it. one seems lost in the sound: anything that entrances our minds. i'm guilty of the same. it's amazing i've got this far. entrance me. i'm done.


is it too much to ask for solace? all this time, can't there be peace: the destruction of myself? for one so small, hope seems useless. what can we find in madness, other than peace? and yet......all this time-nothing.

oneself begins to bleed, white.

Oh, how He loves us

if grace were an ocean we're all sinking.

my brother.

So, i have this brother.

i dunno. we're real close.

this is him. my role model, so as to say. :]

i really enjoy his company.

makes me wish i was as fun as him.

oh, and i'm super jealous of his abilities; superpowers.

i'll kill any girl who hurts him. haha. yeah, he's my best friend. i really don't know wat i'd do without him.

maybe die of depression. serious depression. so...i'll have to definitely die before him.

he's always so caring. helpful. he's helped me thru SO much. even though, i'm pretty stubborn and always think i'm right....so i get into trouble i could've easily avoided.

i miss him so much. come back soon. i miss you.

annnnd, i practically think you are the best.

thank you for always being there for me...

i love you, michael

p.s.

us girls are sneaky. careful.

love my bro bro.

in the memories there is solace.

 i don't know. this could break my heart or save me. nothing is real until you let go completely. so, here i go, with all my thoughts i've been saving. here i go, with all my fears that have been weighing. but, i know it's never really over; i could crash and burn. but, maybe at the end of this road, i might catch a glimpse of me. three months and i'm still breathing. been a long road since those hands i left my tears in....but i know it's never really over, no. 

 

 

Starting out

walking through an empty place leaves one's mind soaring with questions. Do you ever feel that way? The more you are at ease, the more your mind isn't.
life is a crazy roller coaster, and we are the one's controlling our speed through our decisions.

staring out, i'm just me. nothing more special than any other person, although at times, yes, i do act like it.
i don't like to use capitals, obviously. i'm a very artistic person.
tomatoes make me suuuper sick, i'm a health nut, and i have so much to learn.

everyday i learn more. my life is my roller coaster. 20x faster than it should be. i guess its almost superficial, at times. i act like a stuck up; indifferent. God is constantly showing me more than ever right now.
i feel he's pulling me closer.
so there, i s'pose that's all you really need to know.