[You told me not to be blue for you, but honey i've disregarded that]
Sapphire, azure, beryl, cerulean, cobalt, indigo, navy...blue. I can't get it out of my worn out mind. Ah.
[Blue: I'll sink in it's ocean]
I have this...passion for books and music. I have alot of passions, but none as big as my love for books and music. My piano and books are my best friends; they're so very nice, too. Recently, I indulged, and bought 73$ worth of piano sheet music and 7 books from none other than Borders. And then ordered 'Handel's Arias'' and 'Debussy: The complete works.' I think I'm set for a while. :] My charlie was veryyyy happy when he saw all his new music. [Charlie is my piano. stopbeingjealous]
I think I'll paint Charlie blue.
On another note, I really do wish they wouldn't play christmas music so early...Right now is the time to enjoy it, and it's been worn out a month ago. Gerrr. There, that's my random thought flowing through my mind. I'm sure there are some who would agree and those who think i'm absurd. boo hoo.
Finals are here, which mean:
Zero sleep. Check.
Coffee. Check.
Zero food. Check.
More coffee. Check.
Even more coffee. Check.
Oh, the joy.
[Dramatic Pause]
THE END IS ALMOST HERE.
And just in case you're wondering....blue is NOT my favorite color. That's yellow.
Blue just happens to be stuck in my mind.
So much chitterchatter of mine.
[Thanksforlistening.]
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Yes, I like to eat chocolates, smoke cigarettes and read the bible, which is the only way to do it, if you ask me.
The bible is so good with chocolate. I always thought the the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate thing. And I love chocolate.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"The Sunset" -By yours truely
May 13, 1867
New York City
“Elise! Elise are you out there?” I turned around to see my grandmother shouting at me. (My parents left me with her when I was 7, and I have been working for her ever since.) Loving this little bit of freedom I had, I didn’t reply, and started walking out into the beautiful ocean.
(Change of scene)
(Faint distant train whistle)
New York City
“Elise! Elise are you out there?” I turned around to see my grandmother shouting at me. (My parents left me with her when I was 7, and I have been working for her ever since.) Loving this little bit of freedom I had, I didn’t reply, and started walking out into the beautiful ocean.
She called again. I didn’t want to go back and work in that dark, damp, basement sewing and mending clothes for her business. Day after day, night after night-bruising my poor fingers till they were red, and her beating me if i did anything not up to her standard. I just wanted to be free! To feel how it would be like without someone shouting at you all the time. Freedom!
Silently I walked across the sand on the beach. My long day was only about to get longer as I waited for the next bit of hell to start. I was wearing my white sun dress, and the hot sand felt good under my cold bare feet. Letting my hair down, my soft red curls fell all the way down my back, blowing in the breeze. “Ahh (taking a deep breath)….It felt so good to feel free,” I thought to myself. Even though it wasn’t going to be for long, I knew it would be enough.
My grandmother did not approve of girls ‘Running about causing mischief’ she believed the only ‘Proper way’ to raise a girl was keeping her in her sewing and English, or, learning to cook and clean; Normal ‘growing up’ didn’t seem to exist to her. She didn’t know how to have fun-The best of life happens when we are just living, I tried to explain to her countless times. Things like: feeling the sand between our toes, or watching the perfect sunset…Watching the beautiful colors shine through the sky. She’s missed ‘O so many sunsets.
“Elise, I’m going to whip you if you do not come back this instant!” There she went again
(Shaking my head) I headed back to her house, dreading every step I took before I had taken it. Fearing the beating’s I was going to receive again.
“Elise I have been calling for you for over 15 minutes!” She yelled in my face, slapping me. She abused me daily, bruising my arms and face, striking me with her stick- Yelling at me for hours on how I wasn’t ‘Living up to her perfect life-style.’ I couldn't help the tears from falling down my cheeks-I can’t believe she’d expect me to try to act like her! She was a monster-And I was related to this monster. (Shaking my head) The thought of that made me sick. I ran to my room crying, and threw myself on my bed. Anything would be better than here. I know there has to be something better out there. I wasn’t going to let her trap me anymore. Enough is enough. Before I had time to grab my sandals, she was in my room and started beating me again. I had to get away from this monster.
(Banging on the door)
Silently I walked across the sand on the beach. My long day was only about to get longer as I waited for the next bit of hell to start. I was wearing my white sun dress, and the hot sand felt good under my cold bare feet. Letting my hair down, my soft red curls fell all the way down my back, blowing in the breeze. “Ahh (taking a deep breath)….It felt so good to feel free,” I thought to myself. Even though it wasn’t going to be for long, I knew it would be enough.
My grandmother did not approve of girls ‘Running about causing mischief’ she believed the only ‘Proper way’ to raise a girl was keeping her in her sewing and English, or, learning to cook and clean; Normal ‘growing up’ didn’t seem to exist to her. She didn’t know how to have fun-The best of life happens when we are just living, I tried to explain to her countless times. Things like: feeling the sand between our toes, or watching the perfect sunset…Watching the beautiful colors shine through the sky. She’s missed ‘O so many sunsets.
“Elise, I’m going to whip you if you do not come back this instant!” There she went again
(Shaking my head) I headed back to her house, dreading every step I took before I had taken it. Fearing the beating’s I was going to receive again.
“Elise I have been calling for you for over 15 minutes!” She yelled in my face, slapping me. She abused me daily, bruising my arms and face, striking me with her stick- Yelling at me for hours on how I wasn’t ‘Living up to her perfect life-style.’ I couldn't help the tears from falling down my cheeks-I can’t believe she’d expect me to try to act like her! She was a monster-And I was related to this monster. (Shaking my head) The thought of that made me sick. I ran to my room crying, and threw myself on my bed. Anything would be better than here. I know there has to be something better out there. I wasn’t going to let her trap me anymore. Enough is enough. Before I had time to grab my sandals, she was in my room and started beating me again. I had to get away from this monster.
(Banging on the door)
" Kathleen Rodgers step out of your house you are under arrest!" Someone was shouting....it was the police!
(Change of scene)
(Faint distant train whistle)
"Babe, I got it. Here let me help, we have to hurry" My boyfriend said, helping me into our car. We were on our way to the train station in Boston, well, I was at least. He was staying behind for a few months till his work settled down more, then he was coming visit me at college. I didn't want him to stay behind, but perhaps it was all for the best. It had been 2 years since he had arrested my abusive grandmother, and saved me- I still didn't feel safe without him.
" Looks like you're gonna have a great view on the way!" he said, "The sunset is always so beautiful here, try to keep your chin up." And it was; the sunset always gave me a sense of peace, ever sense I could remember. But, I didn't like trains. Honestly, they scared me-Everything about them.
(Shutting car doors) We stepped out of the car and waited next to the train. He was holding onto me tight before I had to board, I didn't want to go, but I was going to go through with it. An education is a good thing.
(Train whistles)" Call me when you get to Boston, okay?" I nodded my head and hugged him as tight as I could. I let go and walked onto the train.
I had a six hour trip to Boston, so I decided just to stare out at the beautiful view. It wasn't the sunset quite yet , I had about two hours till the calming peace of the sky's colors set. My mind started to wander about what life was going to look like now. I noticed a certain lady who looked so much like my grandmother; " I'm so grateful to my boyfriend for saving me from her," I though to myself, and turned back to the scenery. I had a long ride ahead of me and dozed off.
Awaking to the screaming and chaos all around me, the train cars speeding forward, I was trying to ajust my thoughts and figure out what was going on! Everyone around me was running, panicking, no-one would stop for a second, but instead looked like a ghost. Like death was on the door of each and overy one of them, and there wasn't enough time to breath. I looked outside-it was sunset. For once in my life I couldn't feel the calming peace of it, I started to panic. We were going to fast! I tried to think, but I couldn't gather my thoughts. It was as if I was back with my grandmother, and I couldn't think for a second to plan my next move. I started heading to the luggage cart where everyone seemed to be heading, then BAM!
( Loud crash )
We were running off the tracks. Everything was going at a hundred miles an hour-and there was no way to escape. People were jumping out of the window's-panicking. "I have to keep my head straight" I told myself. The car behind me caught on fire, the engine in front of the car I was in was out of control and couldn't stop-people were screaming everywhere! I started to cry and realized there was no way of escape. I was trapped-again. Tears were flowing down my cheeks again, as the flames of the fire glared in my eyes. There was no escape this time. The sky was full of colors at my last few seconds.....I fell into the sunset, never to return.
" Looks like you're gonna have a great view on the way!" he said, "The sunset is always so beautiful here, try to keep your chin up." And it was; the sunset always gave me a sense of peace, ever sense I could remember. But, I didn't like trains. Honestly, they scared me-Everything about them.
(Shutting car doors) We stepped out of the car and waited next to the train. He was holding onto me tight before I had to board, I didn't want to go, but I was going to go through with it. An education is a good thing.
(Train whistles)" Call me when you get to Boston, okay?" I nodded my head and hugged him as tight as I could. I let go and walked onto the train.
I had a six hour trip to Boston, so I decided just to stare out at the beautiful view. It wasn't the sunset quite yet , I had about two hours till the calming peace of the sky's colors set. My mind started to wander about what life was going to look like now. I noticed a certain lady who looked so much like my grandmother; " I'm so grateful to my boyfriend for saving me from her," I though to myself, and turned back to the scenery. I had a long ride ahead of me and dozed off.
Awaking to the screaming and chaos all around me, the train cars speeding forward, I was trying to ajust my thoughts and figure out what was going on! Everyone around me was running, panicking, no-one would stop for a second, but instead looked like a ghost. Like death was on the door of each and overy one of them, and there wasn't enough time to breath. I looked outside-it was sunset. For once in my life I couldn't feel the calming peace of it, I started to panic. We were going to fast! I tried to think, but I couldn't gather my thoughts. It was as if I was back with my grandmother, and I couldn't think for a second to plan my next move. I started heading to the luggage cart where everyone seemed to be heading, then BAM!
( Loud crash )
We were running off the tracks. Everything was going at a hundred miles an hour-and there was no way to escape. People were jumping out of the window's-panicking. "I have to keep my head straight" I told myself. The car behind me caught on fire, the engine in front of the car I was in was out of control and couldn't stop-people were screaming everywhere! I started to cry and realized there was no way of escape. I was trapped-again. Tears were flowing down my cheeks again, as the flames of the fire glared in my eyes. There was no escape this time. The sky was full of colors at my last few seconds.....I fell into the sunset, never to return.
Monday, October 25, 2010
End of trip...
these past 6 days have gone by so fast. i miss my panpan already. such a wonderful trip. such a wonderful family. saying goodbye to them made me tear up. haha. ahh....and btw, all i've been hearing is chinese these past 6 days, so hearing all this english at the airport, is blowing my miiiiiind!! hah.
well...here i am. back at the airport about to head home. to be honest, i don't want to go home. of course i miss my own dear family, don't get me wrong. i'm just not quite ready to welcome home as much as i would, say, a few months apart from it rather than one week's time.
on a different note-it's really amazing what sort of stuff you hear at a airport! my goodness. i'm not going to record what is being said exactly, sorry, but there's no need for that. just know there's a huge variety of topics one overhears at an airport.
we went to the farmers market yesterday. here are some pics. :]
you know how we say "goodbye" just as a general term? it's always messed with me. (that word has)
goodbye is a word to me that means 'never again.' i'm so sorry to be so vague with you, but it's hard for me to explain. there's too much emotion involved in that single word, for me to try and explain. goodbye is a word that makes me wanna cry...i really want to start making it a habbit NOT saying "goodbye" anymore, unless i'm ready to never see that person again. so from on it's: " till next time!" or something of the like, because i plan on writing to you more. :]
and here, dear friends, lies the end of my trip. my plane is boarding. i'm ready.
well...here i am. back at the airport about to head home. to be honest, i don't want to go home. of course i miss my own dear family, don't get me wrong. i'm just not quite ready to welcome home as much as i would, say, a few months apart from it rather than one week's time.
on a different note-it's really amazing what sort of stuff you hear at a airport! my goodness. i'm not going to record what is being said exactly, sorry, but there's no need for that. just know there's a huge variety of topics one overhears at an airport.
we went to the farmers market yesterday. here are some pics. :]
 |
| darling grandma. |
you know how we say "goodbye" just as a general term? it's always messed with me. (that word has)
goodbye is a word to me that means 'never again.' i'm so sorry to be so vague with you, but it's hard for me to explain. there's too much emotion involved in that single word, for me to try and explain. goodbye is a word that makes me wanna cry...i really want to start making it a habbit NOT saying "goodbye" anymore, unless i'm ready to never see that person again. so from on it's: " till next time!" or something of the like, because i plan on writing to you more. :]
and here, dear friends, lies the end of my trip. my plane is boarding. i'm ready.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
My trip to north/south carolina....
the plane ride was exhilerating. it was my first flight. so you know how that goes.....i practically fell in love with everything, to be perfectly vague with you. i love that calming peace you feel looking at the sunset on the clouds. and quite honestly, i felt like i was the giant off of that one awefully boring story: Gullivers travels. because all of the towns and lights looked like lights on a ginormous christmas tree! and i was on top of it all. it was beautiful, though. and flying above it looked as though it was a watercolor painting being painted. God is good, isn't he? to make all this beautiful creation.
hmm.
the shangs have been more than wonderful. they all are such dears. i've missed them so much. pan-pan is such an energetic doll. :] here she is two years old, and can speak chinese almost as much as i can. i'm very jealous. this time with them all was much needed. btw, amy taylor is an angel. :] thank you for introducing me to them.
we went to visit UNC today. beautiful school. i loved it! and just got back from their little chinese church. it was....sooo cool! i understood about 1/4 of everything, cause my chinese is very poor. i still have alot of years left in the study of the chinese language! but, none the less, it was such a beautiful service and potluck!
here are some pics so far...more coming. lots more!!!! :]
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
starting new
i feel like i wanna try and find something 'deep' to say
but, i definately think i try TOO much to be 'deep' on here. my own fault. i'm putting too much thought into my own feelings, i don't even see why. hah. these are my thoughts, they aren't a novel. who cares.
so, i'm starting my thoughts over.
blank sheet again.
if you know me that much, at all, you'll know that music is something i crave/ have an emmense passion for! songs with hidden meanings...pain in them....classical. i love it all. music is my passion.
besides playing it, piano/classical music is my favorite.
lately, i've been listening to alot of anberlin, and joshua radin. they have some great music. i dare say i'm jealous of their ability to write such beautiful music.
lyrics have a big impact on me. no joke. i don't wanna use my time listening to random crap.
also, both of these artists voices are amazing. another big part.
i could go on about music forever...everywhere there's a different type of music being made. i was kind of thinking the other day about how we all are a different type of music, you know what i mean? hmm. maybe to explain it further, we all are a different note in our own unique key of music. :]
oh, how i wish i had more thoughts to share with you! but, i feel this is all i have for now.
i'm gone
but, i definately think i try TOO much to be 'deep' on here. my own fault. i'm putting too much thought into my own feelings, i don't even see why. hah. these are my thoughts, they aren't a novel. who cares.
so, i'm starting my thoughts over.
blank sheet again.
if you know me that much, at all, you'll know that music is something i crave/ have an emmense passion for! songs with hidden meanings...pain in them....classical. i love it all. music is my passion.
besides playing it, piano/classical music is my favorite.
lately, i've been listening to alot of anberlin, and joshua radin. they have some great music. i dare say i'm jealous of their ability to write such beautiful music.
lyrics have a big impact on me. no joke. i don't wanna use my time listening to random crap.
also, both of these artists voices are amazing. another big part.
i could go on about music forever...everywhere there's a different type of music being made. i was kind of thinking the other day about how we all are a different type of music, you know what i mean? hmm. maybe to explain it further, we all are a different note in our own unique key of music. :]
oh, how i wish i had more thoughts to share with you! but, i feel this is all i have for now.
i'm gone
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Falllllll pictures. :]
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Some people i love.....jpg)
darling girl. i love my sisters.faaaaaaalllll! :].jpg)
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oh goodness. pretty leaves!
Friday, October 8, 2010
lost in the sound.
sometimes when we are stabbed with a knife, oneself begins to shrivle and chive. wanting to potect ourself from further hurt.
vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally damaged.
we bleed white, as opposed to red; waving our 'surrender' flag.
the beautiful thing is: its a matter of God to mend.
we watch the seasons go by....still at the same place inside: bleeding our flag.
ahhh. how sweet patience would be. if only i possessed it. one seems lost in the sound: anything that entrances our minds. i'm guilty of the same. it's amazing i've got this far. entrance me. i'm done.
is it too much to ask for solace? all this time, can't there be peace: the destruction of myself? for one so small, hope seems useless. what can we find in madness, other than peace? and yet......all this time-nothing.
oneself begins to bleed, white.
vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally damaged.
we bleed white, as opposed to red; waving our 'surrender' flag.
the beautiful thing is: its a matter of God to mend.
we watch the seasons go by....still at the same place inside: bleeding our flag.
ahhh. how sweet patience would be. if only i possessed it. one seems lost in the sound: anything that entrances our minds. i'm guilty of the same. it's amazing i've got this far. entrance me. i'm done.
is it too much to ask for solace? all this time, can't there be peace: the destruction of myself? for one so small, hope seems useless. what can we find in madness, other than peace? and yet......all this time-nothing.
oneself begins to bleed, white.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
my brother.
So, i have this brother.
i dunno. we're real close.
this is him. my role model, so as to say. :]
i really enjoy his company.
makes me wish i was as fun as him.
oh, and i'm super jealous of his abilities; superpowers.
i'll kill any girl who hurts him. haha. yeah, he's my best friend. i really don't know wat i'd do without him.
maybe die of depression. serious depression. so...i'll have to definitely die before him.
he's always so caring. helpful. he's helped me thru SO much. even though, i'm pretty stubborn and always think i'm right....so i get into trouble i could've easily avoided.
i miss him so much. come back soon. i miss you.
annnnd, i practically think you are the best.
thank you for always being there for me...
i love you, michael
p.s.
us girls are sneaky. careful.
love my bro bro.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
in the memories there is solace.
i don't know. this could break my heart or save me. nothing is real until you let go completely. so, here i go, with all my thoughts i've been saving. here i go, with all my fears that have been weighing. but, i know it's never really over; i could crash and burn. but, maybe at the end of this road, i might catch a glimpse of me. three months and i'm still breathing. been a long road since those hands i left my tears in....but i know it's never really over, no.
Starting out
life is a crazy roller coaster, and we are the one's controlling our speed through our decisions.
staring out, i'm just me. nothing more special than any other person, although at times, yes, i do act like it.
i don't like to use capitals, obviously. i'm a very artistic person.
tomatoes make me suuuper sick, i'm a health nut, and i have so much to learn.
everyday i learn more. my life is my roller coaster. 20x faster than it should be. i guess its almost superficial, at times. i act like a stuck up; indifferent. God is constantly showing me more than ever right now.
i feel he's pulling me closer.
so there, i s'pose that's all you really need to know.
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