where is the condescending look when you need it?

you've got me dreaming like a fool.

there's nothing like sitting on the middle of your kitchen floor, barefoot, eating noodles out of the pan. all alone in your house. waiting for absolution or closure, but nothing ever comes. eagerly anticipating the wait of dust to accumulate on the stack of books next to you, just to know that some sort of time is passing by, even if it feels like a oblivion around you.

why are we all so depressing? why are we all SO shallow. since when did 'being real' die? people try so hard to fit in...it's everything i can do to be different! i can't tell a lie tho....i'm guilty of all the same things. i have NO room to talk. please understand this. it just bugs me.
where is the sunshine when we need it? haha. soooo many questions, but the answers all lie inside us or have always been there.

inititive has to come from us. (that's how you spell it....right?) here's a map and here's a bible. i'm gonna drive across the U.S.

where is the condescending look when you need it? hmph. sometime's love's a rainy day, but life goes on, life goes on.

Jesus, bless him.

tell me it was all just a dream.

finding the 'good' in 'goodbye is probably one of the hardest parts.

the guns fire their last shot and it feels like a bullet to my heart.

he's not coming back.

aspirations, locked up. most of all wanting to fly. and every mirror is shattered.

does that mean the tears are fake?

why do you go, tiger? why do you tilt your head that way?

all these random thoughts going through my mind. the least you can do is make them stop.


this makes me feel close to you again.

don't forget me. i beg.

so many questions left unanswered. so many pages now blank with too many words. like there's one more stair down the staircase - but there never is.
an emptyness. a bittersweet sting.

you're a masterpiece. a balanced painting. it's been a month.

i'll take another deep breath. it's harder every day without you.
can i ask how you are? can i dare again. i'm dying feeling like i'm helpless.
i know i'll only miss you more. who am i kidding.

sometimes when i close my eyes at night i picture our first kiss. sometimes i wish i would've missed it. it was too beautiful to be true. and that turned out to be true. i was right all along. funny. funny how that works; funny girl.do you forget me? do you ever reminise? the hours change so fast.
i'm outdated.

you know just how to get me everytime. and now i've written more piano songs about you than ever before. just the music, of course. because you [hear] music. so i knew you'd be able to hear what i was saying; feeling.
words weren't needed.
words were never needed.
i hope to God you're listeing.

There's no way anyone, who can truely hear music, can be a bad person, l'amour.

don't shy away from all that you are. stop settling for less. you have so much going for you. you can crush me. but please don't crush me cause i'm a dreamer.

sometimes i still laugh to myself when i put my social security number in your phone and you kept it for forever. sometimes i remember how simply your touch made me feel. or when you called me 'your darling girl.'
i keep playing our song. did you honestly believe me when i told you i was changing my number? i never did.

it would be a lie to say i didn't care about you. those closest to me say i'm wasting my time.
but i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i didn't keep trying to be there for you.
i keep telling myself i'll be okay.

there's hope. don't stop believin' in yourself.

and even if we were never meant to be.don't forget me.we were everything that was right, at the wrong time.
close your eyes.
i'm screaming. can't this all be a nightmare? faster and faster. falling. sometimes i wake up missing your arms around me. i'm fine.
i can't help myself from looking for ya. seeing your face in everyone's face i encounter.
let it burn. don't forget how we were. no matter what you chose.
i'm fine, really.

and yet.....i want to erase all of this. because it has no significance. there are no words i can use.

i miss you.

Rainy days

Days like these...

I feel like putting on a dress from the 1940's; curling my hair; pinning it; with red lipstick; sitting in a tranced white room, drinking red wine and writing poetry.

i'll move closer to my piano and play a sad song of deep love and heartbreak from this poor make-believe girl. eat chocolate. and more wine. making my lips in the shape of a small 'o' to seem more sad, seductive or proper. and of course, i'll be as articulate as porrible, pretending there is someone there to notice.

grab a few blankets.
curl up in my chair.
hot coffee now.
don't 'cha think the rain drops falling on the windowsill are some sort of a cliche'?
sounds like a song.

i want to be kissed in the rain.

i'm quite ready to be painted, as if i was back in the old french royalty.

"andrea mademoiselle, s'il vous plaît soyez prudent de ne pas bouger. vous drap votre jambe dans le fauteuil de ce genre, s'il vous plaît?"

"oui monsieur, bien sûr."

rainy days are the best to live in.

i'm in a sort of sane insanity. only the rain makes this possible.
and more yet, romantic. i feel like i could fit quite perfectly in a french society.

Some sort of an intense passion as it bangs down on the roof.

I'm perfectly content. I'll grab Anthony Trollope's: "The way we live now" and devour it.

Cheers to the masterpiece.

Je voudrais pouvoir dire ce que je veux dire clair et évident. Rien ne dure, c'est peut-être mieux ainsi.

Come along, I'll hold you tight. Better be a good boy and not fidget too too much.

Yes? Oh, It's not something i'd encourage, rather just selfishness at it's greatest.

You shouldn't trust me.

I've always wanted balloons; in my own perfect world i'll be able to own a tree that grows balloons, excessively.

I went to our lake today. Where did you go? Maybe I left too fast to see you? It was in pursuit of coffee, please don't judge me too hard.
Why can't I ever get what I want to say out of my own head.
It's like they're all stuck up there, and only come out through the romantic intriguing nature of my piano keys.

Romantic? They thunder and bang.

Let me out! I'm the music's slave till you know what i'm trying to say.

Oops.

The road ends here.
This makes me slightly anxious.

I hope you don't breath too fast, that wouldn't be helpful.

kiss me quick.
falling...
okay, i'll stop.

Thoughts of Ann Landers :]

" Personality is the ability to say Yes; character is the ability to say No."  – Ann Landers

i hope to possess both. :]

l'amour

There's no way anyone, who can truely hear music, can be a bad person. l'amour.

se souviennent...

"Pensez à toutes les choses que nous avons partagées et avons vues - ne pensent pas aux choses qui pourraient avoir été. si vous trouvez jamais un moment, épargnez une pensée pour moi.

Se souvenir de moi, de temps en temps, s'il vous plaît me le promets, vous allez essayer. Si jamais vous trouvez un moment une pensée de moi."

No duh we're related...;]

Grrr.....

Smiling is the best medicine. :]


Oh hey! Everyone close one eye! Look mom! We are cute! :]



How Queer Man Is.

the person is not something one can study and provide for; he is something one struggles for. But unless he also struggles for himself, unless he knows that there is a struggle, he is going to be just what the planners think he is.

-Walker Percy